published july 1, 2019

simple life hacks

by Chuck Sebian-Lander

plug your high-speed blender into the computer or the other way around and use one to generate cryptocurrency that you can invest in the other one three rubber bands can serve in place of an entire orchestra, if you wrap them around a cell phone and point the speaker at a microphone mop the floor with your face to save the time you’d need to clean the bristles and when you do clean the bristles, use your teeth fingernails are god’s jewelry, so why not string your clippings onto thread and sell them on etsy (charge extra for the thick ones) wear sunglasses, all the time. your eyes are important; they are the, uh, eyes of the soul be heard in a room by wearing a cloak and boasting like a victorian-era creep become wiser faster by taking naps that don’t end say something meaningful by saying nothing over and over, until someone else starts talking
Chuck Sebian-Lander is a poet from Maryland. His work has been featured in Prometheus Dreaming, GRAVITAS, and Castabout Literature. The mammoth, ancient tree in his backyard has been struck by lightning twice, yet remains standing.